Mommyfirst.net

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, love is literally in the air. Everywhere that we go these days, we see reminders of the “commercial or at times Hollywood” notion of love plastered all over the place. And the retail industry reaps windfall gains by creating . However I believe that with all these commercial trimmings and its portrayal in Hollywood the notion of love is being highly misconstrued these days.

However being an idealist, I hope and pray that the notion of love and what its stands for would be truly valued by our future generations. And like every parent out there, I want my son to learn the value of love and be able to love and cherish people that come in his life. And for that I am compiled a list of what I have learnt about love so that it can help my son in doing a better job of loving people around him. So here goes…….

1. Never bring ego or money in a relationship that you cherish.
2. Love means never having to say that you are sorry. This quote has been taken from Eric Segal’s Love Story but it rings true with me.
3. Don’t take any good relationship for granted. Work on it every day.
4. Relationships matter. People matter. Everything else is secondary.
5. You are the most successful person in the world if you come home to love!
6. Love is about cherishing the good time and enduring the bad time….together!
7. The best gift that you can give to the person you love is your time.
8. Try not to sleep over an argument. Clarify things there and then and don’t hold grudges for long
9. The foundation of any good relationship is respect for each other.
10. Love , each day, without any regrets!

Hope and pray that you find love in abundance my son!

I love the idea of turning over a new leaf every year. It gives me hope that things would be better in my life and in the world. And it’s a great way of reenergizing your life (More on this later). That’s why, every January I religiously dedicate  huge chunks of my time to write down my resolutions and plans for the coming year.

 I have been a parent for almost 2 years now and have always tinkered with the idea of having parenting resolutions. However when Simplicity Parenting shared this article, well it got my parental juices rolling and prompted me make parenting resolutions for this year. I mulled over this very idea and have come up with the following five (five sounds achievable, right!) resolutions for 2012:

Be present: I am a working mother and it seems that my mind is always ticking off things or adding things to my mental to do list. At times I feel that whenever I am playing with my son I am also fretting over the things I need to do before the day ends. Come 2012, I need to be more present when I am with my son and ensure that the time spent with him is truly quality time.

Action Plan: Put away phone and other electronic gadgets during play time. Clear my mind of things to do by writing it down somewhere. Read Getting Things Done by David Allen ( it comes highly recommended!).

 Throw A Stellar Birthday Party For Baby ‘S’.

 I love arranging birthday parties and I am eagerly waiting for the day when my dear baby turns two.  So my resolution # 2 is to throw a fun birthday party for my little boy.

 Action Plan: Decide on a theme and start thinking on the cards and decorations

 Potty Training:

 We are planning to send Baby S to preschool in January 2013 and that means that I would have to get Baby S potty trained this year. I have been reading a lot on this subject online and based on that I have reached the conclusion that I should be focused towards potty training him around the time of his 2^nd Birthday. Being a first-time mommy, I have heard so many horror stories that I am terrified about the process (Any advice from expert mommy’s on the subject).

 Action Plan: Read more on the subject, buy a potty , take time off from work and make an action plan( I do sound scared:)!

 Inculcate within him the love for reading

  In this day and age of technology, I believe that the love for reading is rapidly diminishing amongst the new generation. Being a person who has been raised by parents who were extremely fond of reading and who have passed on that love to their children as well, I would also aspire to pass on the gift to my son . I believe that frequent interaction with books at his age would ensure that he grows up to value the art of reading as much as I do.

 Action Plan: Take him to bookstores frequently and make sure that I spent at least 15 minutes each night reading him a short story.

 Make 2012 the Year of the “Outdoor”

 While I am at work, I have an “almost” perfect arrangement where my son is being looked after by his maternal as well as paternal grandparents. However that means  that he spends a lot of time indoors watching Baby TV. This year I aim to ensure that he gets a lot of physical exercise and spends as much time outdoors as is possible. I know it’s a difficult task as I am going to be away from him during my work hours, but I resolve to make an extra effort in this direction.

 Action Plan:

 Arrange play dates with kids his age; take him to parks regularly while the weather is pleasant. I am also thinking of learning some kind of outdoor sport (e.g. Lawn tennis) so that we can go out for that together. As they say, that your kids emulate your own behavior so maybe I need to become an outdoorsy/sporty person as well.

 That’s all the resolutions from my end. What do other mommies have to say about this?

 I am a working mom and am blessed to have a very supportive family. I rejoined the workforce when Baby ‘S’ was 3-1/2 months old and have been given a reasonable amount of flexibility from my employer(I am grateful for that too). Still, there are times when the juggle seems to take its toll on me. Its time likes these when I stop and think “Is the juggle worth it” and that “what kind of an impact it would have on my baby’s development”.

There is a widespread belief that “working mothers tend to have flatter career progression curves as compared to their single counterparts”. If that is the case, then what’s the use of slaving away at the workplace from 9-5 and thinking that maybe at this very moment I am missing my child’ s first step or his first word?

I know for sure that most mothers who are working by choice reaffirm themselves everyday by telling themselves that the extra money can help them ensure a better future for their children. I believe this because I tell this to myself every day. But am I being selfish here. Maybe you baby will not care about the extra stuff that the money you earn can buy for him. Maybe, if I stay at home then I can help him in other ways to ensure that he gets the best of what the world has to offer. Am I making sense here or do I have a bad case of “working mothers guilt”. This is a shout out to all working moms!

Amy Chua’s recent article on Chinese parenting styles suggests that a disciplinarian approach to parenting is the key to having successful children. That’s why “Chinese parents produced math whizzes and music prodigies”. She also goes berates the western style of parenting by saying that they are “more concerned about their children’s psyches”. I just want to pose one question to Ms. Chua…”Since when did parenting become a competition?”  Eventually all parents, whatever their values might be, want their children to be reasonably successful in their life. But more important than that, I believe that all parents would want their children to be “Happy” at what they do. 

Wasn’t it the Chinese Philosopher Confucius who said that “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” So if we go by this philosophy then, as parents we should let our child discover what he or she is the happiest doing. Let’s consider the example of a child might have a strong penchant for acting. But if we as parents forbid him/ from taking part in a school play and force him/her to play an instrument instead, then aren’t we robbing him of something that could bring him happiness in life. I always thought parenting was about raising happy, self assured children. Since when did it become a rat race to raise prodigies?

When I started this blog early this year, I vowed that I would try to commit to writing a minimum number of posts each week. As I am already struggling to balance work, family as well as mumzyhood, I thought (rather assumed) that 3 posts a week would be a reasonable number.

But then my baby got sick for the very first time, and my world came to a standstill. Baby Shumail was down with fever and cold for an entire week and when we thought that he was getting better he came down with fever again. Yup, my baby had a miserable time and it was one of those few times in my life when I felt really helpless. His pediatrician said that he was down with an infection and that would it would take it own time to heal.

 A lot of seasoned mother’s out there would say that this is just the start. But being a first time mom I had a hellish two weeks as I tried to juggle work and family while ensuring that I could be there as much as I could for my baby.  But I managed to survive it and in the process learnt a few lessons that would help other mommies out there to get through times like these:

1.   If possible get other people to help

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There were times when I thought that asking for help means that I can’t cope with the caring that a sick baby requires. But I was wrong. Asking for help doesn’t mean that you are a failure. So if you have family around then I know for sure that they would love to pitch in. Maybe they can look after the elder sibling while you are tending the sick one or they could help with the housework. But do let them help.

2.   Get Some Sleep

A sick baby does tend to lead to sleepless night. While Shumail was sick, I used to get up at night just to check on him and see whether he is okay or not. The result was that I was extremely tired when I woke up in the morning and had to literally drag myself through the day. I am glad that my husband put his foot down and ordered me to stop fretting and get a whole night’s sleep. He assured me that he would keep checking on him( and I really love him for that). So guess what, after a good night’s I was fresher than ever and was able to care much better for my baby than before. So I know you would feel guilty when I tell you to get a good night’s sleep (I did too) but this would help you take better care of your baby. Which is what matters in the end.Right!

3.   And finally ….Don’t Panic!

I know of a friend who panicked when her 5 months old baby came down with chicken pox and took her to a number of doctors.  At times, as mothers, we do have a feeling that our primary pediatrician is not helping us enough, however good he/she might be. However, at times like these, it’s a good idea to trust our primary doctor. If you have your doubts then at most get one more opinion. But trust me running around doesn’t help. It just leaves your baby with a bunch of additional medicine to take.

I hope this gets you through when your bundle of joy is down with something. I would love it if you could share your experiences of how you handled things when your little bundle of joy was sick. Sharing helps a lot as it makes you feel that you are not alone.

And remember….”This Too Shall Pass”!

All first-time expecting mommies have to live with the guilt of buying too much stuff for their baby. And who can blame them! Whenever you enter a baby shop you are surrounded by so much cute stuff that you want to buy everything for your baby. Well, that’s what happened to me as well and now I am stuck with bucket loads of clothes that my baby didn’t even wear once. I could argue that I could save them for the next one, but being a shopaholic that I am, I seriously doubt they would come of use. So I thought that, why not list down the ten most essential stuff that a newborn would need, so that other mommies-to-be would not fall into the impulsive baby shopping trap. So here goes the list:

• All-in-one sleeps suits (Around 6 should be more than enough)
• 2-3 Body suits /vests
• Feeding Bottles, Formula (In case you are not totally breastfeeding your baby) & Sterilizer (More on sterilizing options in a future post)
• Socks ,Mittens & caps(cotton or woolen depending on the weather)
• Wrapping Sheets(Cotton/Flannel) &  receiving Blankets
• Bibs ( It’s definitely a lifesaver)
• Diapers, powder, nappy rash cream, wet wipes baby soap and other cleaning hoopla.
• A crib or a bassinet (Depending on your lifestyle)
• A carry-cot(If you are social person) & a car-seat(Graco has a car-seat cum carry out. You can check that out as well)
• A tub or a bathing seat for bathing the baby.

If you buy everything off this list, then you can sail through the first 2.5 to three months with spending a dime on all the cute baby stuff. Plus, do keep in mind, that you will probably get bucket loads of clothes from dotting grandparents and aunts. So that was my list of essentials.

Experienced mommies out there: do add stuff to the list if you think I missed out on something….

Happy Shopping

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”

~Rajneesh

 Becoming a mother is both a joyous as well as a scary experience. The baby’s first smile, his first word, his first step and many other such momentous occasions are an immense source of happiness for you as a mother. And as the above quote goes, it doesn’t matter whether you are a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) or a working mother, the day that you first hold your bundle of joy then he/she will become your entire universe. And no matter what stage your child is at, you are and always will be a mommy first.  

However, at times this very thought can intimidate you as well. I have been a mother for a while now but even I am coming to terms with this feeling of responsibility. So this is where this blog comes in. I intend this blog to be a place where you as mothers and mother- to-be can find information on how to cope with the numerous challenges of motherhood and at the same time celebrate the joys of mumsyhood.  If all goes well, I plan to ensure that this blog covers the entire spectrum of motherhood starting from preparing for a new baby, to choosing a preschool and possibly ending at planning for a college education ( I am assuming that’s where it ends..you are most welcome to correct me if you think otherwise).

 I intend this blog to help me through the journey of motherhood. I hope that does the same for  you as well.

Happy Reading and A Happy New Year to you!